Sitting, Feeling

May 9 - After finishing all my obligations, for some still unknown reason, I decided to sit around at a park, and "feel" and write without thinking. It was cool. But was it worth two hours of my life? That's up to me to decide later. So here it is:

So I'm sitting here at Beau Bien Park, wondering why I'm here. I just dropped Rohit off, but I don't feel like going home just yet. Bugs are making my back itch, but I'm really not caring as I sit here. My car clock says it's 7:25--a little bit past my dinner time. It's a nice view--I can see the bright orange sun set (or as Jon would call it, a big orange ball). Little kids are playing in the crappy excuse for a park that's left of Beau Bien (Lisle town officials thought it would be better than what had previously been there).  An Asian couple is walking down Beau Bien St... Walking towards me... Now walking past me. Holding hands as they cross the wet grass, the girl is squealing as the water seeps into her shoes. Listening to their voices, I can tell they're Chinese--probably Cantonese. Wow, it's weird how fast my ears can pick up a dialect. I can probably tell the difference between Hindi and Marathi, not to mention Telegu, and obviously other East Asian languages, including Mandarin and Cantonese. That's what I get for spending all that time listening to Jarod's grandma. Odd, from here I can see that her garage door is open. Three cars. Big deal. Rumor had it that Nick might be going to his lake house--he'd BETTER not. We have our project obligations for tomorrow, and if HE missed it, the one most complaining about our disorganization (and the counterbalance to J), I swear, the we will not be forgiving. 

Bugs are still biting... I'm feeling a sharp itch on my left arm; I ignore it. Maybe I should close my car windows. Or maybe I should just  out for a walk. The sun is now a little lower, not shining into my eyes anymore. The Asian couple passes behind me this time; now they're walking away. The black dude in the Jeep turns on his engine. He's driving away now. Everyone's leaving now. Wait... Some guy in a Stratus is coming into the parking lot. Oh never mind, he's just turning. Alone again. Except for the bugs. Why do they have to bother me... I'm already annoyed. Cell phone ringing... It's Jason, but I can't stop writing now. I'll call him back later. 

A bunch of cars are passing by on Old Tavern. A Mercury Villager, Ford Taurus, Explorer... Now they're gone too. Where is everyone? Home eating dinner probably. Maybe I'll go to Tiger's house--make an unexpected drop in. Or maybe not. I wouldn't want to interrupt their family time. Those tiger eyes... 

What am I saying? I must be getting hungry. Or thirsty. Or maybe it's something else. I think I need to get out of my car. Okay, I'm getting out, taking my keys--not taking my cell. The sun is down past the horizon, just an orange haze left in the west. I guess I'll head to the playground. Kids are still there--a whole family. I'll stay back for a bit (so I can write) Sitting down in the benches by the tennis courts. the air smells damp. After all, it did rain just this morning. No one's here that I know. I guess I'll head over. Nothing better to do. There still is a puddle under the swings. Hah! I remember the times in kindergarten when me and Lydia used to play on the swings. Pretty funny... Good times. 

A Mexican couple is chattering behind me. All right I'm going over to the funny looking swings now. What a stupid little park; why did they have to demolish the old one? I guess it's safer for the little kids. No wood to get splinters on. Some guy is mowing his lawn to the left of me. Off in the distance the I-88 roars. Funny how i never really noticed it while I was living here. Why did I have to move... At least there was a community here. What am I saying... There're communities everywhere--I'm just choosing not to associate myself with the one back there. Even the little kids are speaking Spanish... I wonder when they'll learn their  nglish for school--for living in the U.S. Heh. America--the land where people can be whatever they want to be, whether they become a failure or success is their own choosing... Or is it "our"? Am I American? My mom immigrated here, so I guess I am. I've lived here for most of my life so I am. Because I say so, I am. 

Grr... I hear am Ice Cream truck... playing "Turkey In the Straw". I hate those things. But why? I used to love them back in elementary. Over in Evanston, I remember Lydia and eye buying those beloved Ice Cream Sandwiches. 

The Mexican family is leaving now. Now I'm alone again. No surprise. It's 8:05 now, it's getting cool, and people that haven't eaten dinner are going home to their families... except me. What am I doing here? Sitting in the middle of a park by myself. Getting cold. Getting hungry. 

The haze is gone, the sky an almost twilight blue. I should have brought a sweat shirt... my legs are getting cold. I think I'll get off  his swing... Going up on the equipment. 

Wait a second! There's some guy here! I'm not sure if he's seen me... The dude's lying down one one of the cheap plastic slides--the tallest one. I wonder what he's thinking. Meh, now even he's going. Seriously, what the hell am I doing here? 

The dun's gone... so I guess the park's officially closed. Big deal. It's not like they're gonna get park district security in here to get me out. But that still doesn't answer why I'm here. Does this park have any significance to me? The best memories I had here were of playing tag in Junior High. I think I'll go lie down where the amigo was sitting.  

Wow it's pretty comfortable. The smooth plastic enclosing me on three sides. I guess the cheap slide isn't so cheap after all. Lying back I can see almost nothing but blue sky... Blue sky all around only ending when it meets the green plastic, or the tallest pine trees. My legs are getting cold, but the plastic keeps my arms warm. Again I ask myself, "why am I here?" 

No one else is around. Oh wait--whoa some girl is playing tennis over by the courts. Other people are coming back. But I still feel...

Heh, the new Indian family said "hey". Cool. Feeling a little better... Funny how a little "hey" could actually mean something. 8:22... It's been a whole hour. Ah... The Indian girl wants to use the slide. I'd better get off. I'm leaving the playground. Passing the swings again...  What was  the thing that Lydia used to say? Dammit I can't remember anything anymore. Just another memory from my past... One of my lost past. One of my best friends. Gone... 10 years of separation. How much I've changed. More than half my lifetime--I wonder what's happened to her--how much she's changed. I want to swing on those swings again. These swings are too small, too wet. Or maybe it's just me that's too tall, too worried about getting my shoes wet. What do I have to care? Eh... It's getting too cold. Too cold and too dark to swing on swings. Wow, I have changed.

What the hell?! Car alarm went off when I opened the door. Somehow I knew it would. Must be psychic... Meh... I wish. Hmm, I have missed calls. Whoa, four missed calls... Let's see...hmm one from Kath Yoh (what could she want?) two from Jason and Nick Kirk. I guess I'll give 'em a call before starting off. 

Hmm oh great... Now I have a reason to stay here. So Nick's going to his lake house after all. Instead, he finally got his license so he's coming here. About damn time--he's 17, dammit. Ah whatever. Jason's not at home... So I guess I'll just sit here and keep writing. Let's see ooh a Jeep's pulling in. How fun. Hmm... Drivin a Jeep. A stick Jeep... lol. Why would anyone want one of those. Air conditioning. Cold blast of air. Why is everything so cold all of a sudden?

Okay I'm heading out of here. 8:46. A whole hour and half. Well spent too...

Whoa driving feels weird... So much power... Okay the high's wearing off already.