Entry 005
7.4.2003 23:12 MDT
Today was a lot better than the past few days. There was
a big quarrel in the morning, but by now its long forgotten. The working
day actually ended in a good note-surprise surprise. I'll explain the bad
first. The argument pretty much centered on rules, and whether or not it
was okay for me to… bend them a little. I realize in writing, it's going
to seem like I was at fault, but this is what happened. We were at this
little geyser-more like a pool of hot water actually, that was by the Fire
Hole River (yes that's actually what it's called) and I was reaching out
to touch the water. My mom had already told my brothers not to touch the
water (and it _was_ against park regulations) but it would have been a
really harmless act. You can see in the pictures that it's right next to
the river, which doesn't have any regulations against touching it. So I
touched the river, which was a little warm, and I decided to get a little
closer to the hot pool. I can tell you that I was taking the greatest
amount of caution that I could possibly have taken (short of not doing it
at all), and that I wasn't even going to touch the water, but this fat-ass
on the opposite side looks at me and says “NO” and right then, my dad
pulls me back. If my parents weren't there, I would have been like “I
know what I'm doing,” basically saying “mind your own business,” but
in this situation, it would have involved going against my parents in
front of everyone-not a good thing to do. But anyway, my mom was there and
went into her usual fit about following the rules. The argument continued
into the car, where it degenerated into stubborn yelling. It went on for a
while, until it got to the point where she was accusing me of listening to
strangers more than my own parents-which was a blatant falsehood. The only
reason that I stopped was because I didn't want to get into a family
quarrel in public. Anyway at that point in the argument, I decided that I
didn't need to justify myself to her, and that I would be better off not
bothering to talk to her before or after any incident-that way, I would
avoid any pre-activity restrictions, and post-activity retributions. So
I'm just sitting there, when I have a minor epiphany. It's really hard to
get the full experience of it across but I pretty much realized that I
need to follow rules that have been given to me by my parents. I know it
doesn't seem like much, but to me it is. So from now on, I'm following
rules on my own accord, not because I fear the consequences, but because I
realized that I need to respect some of my parents' authority. So yea,
that was the first half of the day.
Activity wise, we did quite a lot. For the first half of
the waking day, we toured various sites, mostly geysers and hot water
vents. A got a lot more stock footage for my movie project, and a bunch of
nice pictures (one that I just set as wallpaper). Most of the geysers
weren't all that spectacular, though it was pretty cool how a little hole
in the ground could pump up so much boiling water. The coolest one though
was the famous “Old Faithful,” named for its highly predictable
eruptions. We waited at the “Old Faithful Village,” got a bite to eat
and explored the gift shops (more on this later) until it was about time
for the predicted eruption. The eruption itself was cool, but I wasn't
surprised. There was a huge crowd gathered around the geyser (cordoned off
over 200 feet to viewers so I couldn't get any really cool shots) a while
before it was time, and then when it happened, it just started slow and
then spewed water about 100 feet high for about 20 seconds. Cool, but not
worth coming all the way just to see it. As it turns out, Old Faithful
isn't just a geyser-it's an entire town that surrounds it and many other
geysers. But anyway, yea, at the gift shop. It pretty much had the same
stuff as the one in Canyon Village. The dream catchers and the medicine
wheels were really cool (I think I'll buy one… or two). There were some
cooler bracelets though. One I found particularly interesting was a
“courage bracelet” pretty much a leather band with metal blocks on it,
with USA engraved on it; I don't know what makes it a courage bracelet
except that there's a metal tag with the word courage written on it. I
thought it was pretty cool, but the price tag wasn't: twenty-five dollars
for it. Not worth it to me dollar for dollar, but it was still a really
cool bracelet. So… well, let's just say that my cousin Stacey gave me an
inspiration. I still plan to buy a dream catcher and/or a medicine wheel
later on.
Besides that… oh yea, later at night, I decided to go
for a drive around the “neighborhood” trying to find the amphitheater
but I sort of got lost. Ended up heading towards the “Grand Canyon of
Yellowstone” which was pretty cool actually. It was late at night, so
nobody else was really there, just me and the Grand Cherokee. I got out of
the car at the North Rim, and took a walk to the edge; let me just tell
you that it was an amazing scene. Even though it was night, and hard to
see, the sheer size of the canyon was awe-inspiring. I didn't stay there
long-it was past 10 and I wasn't sure if it was within park regulations to
be out. I couldn't go back the way I came because it was a one way road,
so I continued down, and ended up at something-Point. Once again I was
alone, and I decided to take a walk. I went around the parking lot to see
if there was anything interesting (there wasn't), and then I went over
onto a trail leading into a thin wood. It was pretty dark so I took a
flashlight, but didn't use it. While I was standing there though, I saw
lights from another car coming up the path. I half-ducked behind a fallen
tree (not that I needed too, the standing trees would have given me enough
cover) and waited. My greatest fear was that I might be a park ranger.
That fear amplified when whoever was in the car got out with a flashlight,
and started walking towards the woods I was in. He was pretty far
away-maybe 100 feet and he was walking parallel to the path to my car, but
I could hear his footsteps, so I knew he'd hear mine if I started walking.
My car was about 40 feet in front of me, so it wasn't really an easy path.
I watched the guy's (or girl's) flashlight dance around through the trees,
and when it seemed like I would be out of their line of sight, I started
crawling/sneaking backwards towards the parking lot. I managed to get into
my car (unseen-I think) and silently closed the door. I could have just
driven out of there but, by that time, I was actually enjoying the thrill.
I looked around my car for whatever surveillance equipment I brought with
me. The guy's car was about 150 feet away from mine, so I couldn't really
make out if there was another person in there OR if there was a person
around it somewhere. I opened the windows so I could hear, but I couldn't
hear anything. I got out the Sony cam (with nightshot) and tried using
it-with no luck. It got absolutely nothing even with super-nightshot. Next
I tried to find my headphones, without luck, so I got out the crappy ATA
headphones that I got from out flight. Hooking it up to the camera greatly
enhanced my hearing ability, but still I got nothing. I was a little
disappointed in my equipment (at that point, I remember wishing I had an
infrared heat detector) but as a final test, I got out my binoculars.
Looking through, I could easily see that there was no movement in or near
their car and that it wasn't a ranger car. I sat around for a while,
deciding what to do. I could have just driven off, but that wouldn't have
been fun. I decided I wanted to scare the guys. I started the engine, put
the high beams on, and slowly edged towards their car. When I got close, I
revved the engine-if I were them, I would have been freaked. I got no
response, so I did something a little bigger. I drove around and turned my
car to face the other side of the car, also looking into the woods where
the guys had walked into. I flashed my highs on and off, but still got no
response. I looking in with my binocs, but didn't see anything. They were
probably hiding-just like I was-ha ha! Anyway, I decided that that was
enough, and headed on out. But then I had an idea! I turned back around,
with my beams facing the car, just to make sure that they weren't sneaking
back, and looked around for something to throw. I had a various selection
of rocks, sticks, and useless junk. I finally decided on the ATA headphone
covers. I piece of crap cover for crappy headphones. I wiped the cover
with my shirt (just in case they decided to scan for fingerprints) and
drove close by their car, and chucked it out the window. If I didn't get
their attention earlier, I definitely would have gotten it now, when it
skidded under their car. I was hoping that the fools would just run out
and somehow think that rushing to their car would save them. I seriously
wanted them to be in fear for their lives. But disappointingly nothing
happened. So I drove off again, was about to leave for a second time, but
then decided to just wait. I stopped at the end of the parking lot, a good
200 feet away from them, and turned off all the lights and engine. I was
once again in silence. I opened the window to get a better view, and
pulled out my binoculars. Still no movement in or near their car. But
then, I saw a ripple of lights on the trees by the parking lot entrance.
There was another car coming up! Right then, I was freaked-what if the
guys got so scared that they called 911 and got park rangers to come?! I
turned on the engine immediately, and drove out just as the other car
drove in. I stopped for maybe a split second at the stop sign, and zoomed
on back towards Canyon Village. I saw headlights following me from a
distance. I knew I'd be fine once I got near the village, cuz there are a
lot of cars around there. One thing I noticed though was that at least one
in four cars was a park ranger car, and somehow I always happened to end
up at the intersections with one of them. Every time, I was afraid that
they would stop me, but they didn't and I made it back without incident. I
was kind of disappointed by the fact that I didn't absolutely nothing, but
was glad to have made it back undetected by anyone else. And that's the
end of this entry.
Entry 006
7.6.2003 00:19 MDT
Today was yet another interesting day, but not without
its share of problems. Right now, I'm sitting in the Jeep at Inspiration
point, seeing the most amazing night sky since Kentucky last year, but
I'll get to it later. Chronologically, I decided to skip the ranger tour
in the morning, leaving more time for me to sleep, and actually wake up.
While everyone was gone, I discovered that we were running out of
breakfast food and milk, disappointing but still worth sleeping in. When
my family got back at around noon, we went to some of the same old
stuff-geysers and steaming hot water ponds. Lunch was nothing spectacular,
some hotdogs and crushed Shin Ramen that Inha made-let me just warn you,
if you plan to make crushed ramen, DON'T use Shin Ramen; it is so damn
spicy that I had to drink a pint of milk, and two hot dog buns to keep
myself under control. After lunch, we went around the upper BIG loop of
Yellowstone getting to the Mammoth Village. Along the way, we saw the
usual share of bison and black bear cubs-nothing too novel anymore. There,
several things happened. First off and most importantly, my mom lost my
digital camera with the memory card in it (which happened to contain the
ONLY copy of my trip log. I was traumatized, but there was no sympathy. It
might sound funny now, and it kind of is, even to me, but at the time, I
was not in a laughing mood. After our failed search, I was driving with
rage-and a woman with a child yelled “slow down!” at the wrong time. I
was about to yell, “fuck you too!” but I had already passed her. My
some miracle, as soon as we filed some lost item form, someone with my
camera brought it in. It happened to be some Korean college girl from VA.
I was still recovering from my trauma, and had nothing in me to say except
a sincere “thanks.” Apparently, she and her friend had found the
camera and were looking through the pictures, when they saw a picture of
me in my distinctive yellow “USA” shirt, and had looked up and down
the mountain looking for me before deciding to turn it into the Mammoth
Visitor Center lost and found, where we met her just as she was turning it
in. We got her email address, and I plan to begin a sort of back and forth
exchange of emails. Looking through the pictures, I noticed that she and
her friend had taken a few pictures for themselves. I'll hold onto those.
Our main reason for going to Mammoth was because of a
fabled hot water spring that you're allowed to wade and bathe in. We got
directions and headed off. At the place, there was a sign that said
“swim at your own risk.” It was meant to warn visitors of the possible
hazards of swimming in a hot water spring, but I really appreciated it.
For once, the responsibility was handed to me, and I was allowed to make
my own rules. Well there were other rules under it like SWIMMING HOURS 7
AM - 9 PM, and “No Nudity,” but no reason to worry about those. When
we got there though, I didn't find it too interesting and I didn't go
in-preferring to grab big insects with makeshift chopsticks and shove them
into the hot water. And then the day was pretty much over. On the way back
there was the most beautiful sunset that I have ever seen; I tried to take
a picture, but the perfect one always slipped away because of a tree or an
unpredictable turn. We got back to our cabin at around 9:45, only to find
that we lost our cabin key-which was bad because I really needed to go to
the bathroom. I went into Edward's cabin, but people were taking showers,
so no luck there. I decided to check out the new looking lodges across the
street. [I JUST HEARD A KNOCK ON THE CAR WINDOW-HOLD ON… (takes
flashlight and shines it around outside) It doesn't look like there's
anything there… You've got to realize that I'm sitting inside the Jeep
parked in the middle of the woods past midnight right now. But whatever,
I'm continuing to type… a little more nervously though…]. As it turned
out, those lodges were more than new looking-they were brand new, probably
just built within the past few months. It was sparkling clean, with
“Courtesy phones” and vending machines. Amazing stuff… but no
bathrooms. I went running around the 4 floors of the two buildings for
about 10 minutes with no luck. I went back to our cabin and found it now
open, and relieved myself there. Of course, I could have easily gone to
the backwoods, but forget that.
Anyway yeah, I just started reading the fifth book to
Harry Potter (deferring that stupid-ass fantasy book the Wheel of Time).
It's pretty cool right from the start, and I now know how much I've needed
a good book to read. Anyway, I was just reading to pass the time, until it
got dark enough to go star gazing. At about 11:30, I left our cabin in the
Jeep, and headed to the place I knew would be dark-the Grand Canyon of
Yellowstone, and now I'm sitting back in the Jeep again. I was out looking
a bit ago at the amazing sky. There are literally thousands of stars
visible in the sky. In and around Chicago, the starts look like points of
light on a grayish-blue darkness, but here-the whole sky is alight with
stars, bright and dark. It's like a blanket, stars everywhere. I brought
binoculars, and looking through them, you'd see that there are at least a
hundred starts between every star that made up the “blanket.” Really a
beautiful sight. I walked (very carefully) down to inspiration point and
took a look at the moon through the binocs. That one was kind of creepy.
There were broken clouds all around the moon and over my head so it looked
like the moon was almost reaching out across the sky. But really cool
under binocs. So yea, it was getting cold so I got back to the Jeep and
entertained myself by typing away. I think I'll head on out now-blah!
Entry 007
7.6.2003 12:55 MDT
We've just separated from the other family-they're
heading north, while we're heading back south. In the car now, just got
over yet another argument. I have a quote on my site-“if you squeeze an
orange, you get orange juice,” pretty much saying that when you put
someone under pressure, you see their true nature. I don't think that's
true. I don't think that anyone under pressure is themselves as they
really are. I'm one of those people that don't believe that there is a set
nature, or personality for any person, and that it's situations that make
personalities. It makes me feel a little better to think this way, because
I don't want to believe (and I don't anyway) that I am how I act under
stress. When people are under extreme pressure, they just act reflexively,
without thinking of the long term consequences-like I did when I was just
arguing. But I've learned a little; I've learned that even during heated
arguments, it pays to slow down and just think for a little. But right
now, I'm feeling like the only one who understands that. I'm beginning to
dislike my parents more and more-they don't think long term, and they have
problems that are beyond my control. Maybe I'm asking too much of them, I
suppose I shouldn't expect them to understand everything that I'm trying
to say. I guess I just really want someone to talk to about my inner
thoughts right now. I need to understand myself a little more. I usually
have such a strong self image of myself and my beliefs, but after this
argument, I'm not so sure. I'm pretty sure of myself, but I think I want
another third party opinion. Maybe I should see a counselor-that would
pretty cool, as long as they aren't like my retarded school counselor.
That would help me understand myself a little better, and if that doesn't
work, maybe this person could explain to my parents how I really think.
I'm not as bi-cultural as my parents seem to think, or
seem to wish I was. Maybe I do understand the Korean side of them a little
bit better than most people, but that doesn't mean that I'm like that. I
really want to almost… disown that part of me-because it causes so many
conflicts at home. They have their own image of my, and it might be me,
but I don't like being evaluated to standards that I don't hold, or a
culture that I am not. I need to be understood for who I am. But who am I?
But enough of that; we're leaving Yellowstone now. I
don't know how to evaluate it. Like I said before, I hate sightseeing and
not doing anything. Things that I will remember and treasure in the future
are experiences, and I don't think that watching mountains go by or seeing
sunsets are worth being one of those lifelong memories. I'll be back
someday, I know it, but next time, I'm going to make sure I have the experience
of Yellowstone, instead of the nice view. Now we're heading back to Grand
Teton National park, where it is quite likely that we're going to go
rafting.
Oh yeah, I bought a few souvenirs and got a few more at
the Canyon Village before we left. I think I'm becoming more and more
corrupted everyday. But the thing is… I don't even feel guilty about it
anymore. Well maybe I do, but it's not enough to stop me or to make me
lose any sleep at night. Damn you influential peoples.
Entry 008
7.6.2003 13:27 MDT
Damn, I worry so much. You don't realize how much I worry
about stuff-not little things, but big huge things that I shouldn't be
worrying about right now. Will I get the right grades, will do the right
things in high school, will I get into the right college, will I
meet the right girl, will I get the right job, will I teach my kids what
they need to know, will I live the right life, influence the right people
the right way… I think that's as far as it goes, but even that is far
more than I probably should be thinking. Sometimes I think I spend so much
time thinking and worrying that I'm not leading the life that I should be.
Wow-see now I'm worrying that I'm worrying too much. I guess it is the
first step for change. Change is good-from where I'm standing, almost
anything new is better than no change at all.
But… as for now, I guess I don't have anything better
to do. Just sitting in the car, heading south-we're in Grand Teton now.
Gah!!! How much I would give to be in charge of this vacation. If
everything went my way, we'd be in Florida right now, at the dolphin cove,
or in Hawaii doing even better stuff. Or even on some standard cruise.
Driving up sloppy roads because they aren't in Illinois, and seeing
mountains is getting pretty damn old right about now.
Okay, now I think I want to be behind the wheel-at least I'll have
control and be going as fast as I want, instead of going slow to watch
dead trees pass by while vans and trucks pass us. Damn, I'm running out of
good songs. I brought nearly 300 five star rated songs with me, and I've
pretty much gone through every one. And I have a funny looking tan on my
arms.
Entry 009
7.6.2003 23:08 MDT
Finally! Today was a very interesting day (at least,
since my last entry). Following my suggestion, we actually decided to go
whitewater rafting, back down in Jackson, WY. Just before we left, I
managed to get my cell phone to work, and called up Anubhav-he was doing
fine as usual, no surprise. I was considering calling a few other people,
but we didn't have time. It was amazingly fun, only the freezing water
kept me from utterly enjoying myself. The “guided adventure” also
included a steak and salmon dinner-my two favorite meats. Our guide was
hilarious, and our company, some family from Salt Lake were cool. I
learned a bunch about tourism in Salt Lake, and Utah as a whole, and there
was this kid “Chase” who socialized with my brother. I think he
learned the importance of email when he tried to find a way to keep
contact with him. He finally did get his phone number, but I doubt he'll
ever call him. Oh well, he'll learn. But even if he never talks/sees him
again, Chase was an interesting character. Very talkative, he was from a
family of ten kids (only one real sibling though) and as it turned out,
was very well… brought up. He was very thankful of his parents and
modest about his affluence. Kind of cool to see that in a kid.
Jake (my bro): Are you rich?
Chase: (pause) I'm blessed.
Jake: Blessed?
Chase: Blessed that I have what I have, and blessed that
my mom and dad both have good jobs.
Cool kid, but I doubt we'll ever see him again. It also
made me think about something else that's been bothering my lately. It's
so easy for kids his age to make new friends. You just sit down and start
talking, and that's perfectly normal. I mean… not like it's not normal
for me to do that, but-it's just a little different, and a little harder.
Anyway, I think my parents finally understood what I meant by “wanting
an experience, not pictures.” A good step forward, but as usual, I think
it was forgotten by the time we reached out next quarrel.
After returning to the parking lot, I checked my messages
(cell phones work in Jackson). Priscilla had left a message a couple days
ago-responding a bit, to my in the moment email-made me feel a little
better. But there was also this email from some Spanish sounding dude. At
least I think it was Spanish. He seemed pretty somber. I don't know, but
it almost sounded as if he was about to die or something. Creepy. Just as
we were leaving Jackson, Jason called. Nothing important really, but
apparently Harry wanted Crystl's phone number. Good ol' Harry, doing what
we're still trying to do. Good for him. I'm not sure if he's a good model
to follow after, but we can still learn, from his successes and his
mistakes.
Tomorrow we're going to some national park way down south
in Utah, just going through Salt Lake City. Considering that we didn't
have this plan till this morning, I didn't see why it was such a big deal
to change the plan. I wanted to see Salt Lake, even for just an hour. I'm
having a dire need to see urban life again. It would be an
“experience” whereas the national park would be another day spent just
taking pictures.
I
still need to send Crystl's postcard-which I haven't been able to do
because there aren't any damn post offices around here. It really is a
funny looking postcard; maybe I'll use it for someone else. Bah, whatever.
I'm going to sleep.
